Do you wish you had more influence with certain people? The truth is that before you can influence someone, you need to build a relationship with them.
There are four building blocks to relationships, according to Tom Marshall’s book entitled Understanding Leadership: trust, care, respect and understanding. Without these four, there is no relationship. First let’s talk about the one I’ve already mentioned: trust.
Trust is the most fragile of the four.
Trust is something you build over time, but you can lose it in a moment. You build trust when what you say lines up with what you do, when someone tells you something sensitive and you keep it to yourself, and when you come through for someone in need. You also build trust when you keep the little promises you make, when your decisions reflect that you have others in mind, and when you both extend and seek forgiveness.
To build influence, you need to earn trust. Ask yourself, “Do I need to build trust with any of my coworkers?” And if you do, what can you change today?
Care is essential for developing great relationships.
As the popular saying goes, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. In other words, influence is often built through relationship, and it’s difficult to form a relationship with someone if they don’t think you care. You need to show them that you’re looking out for their best interests—through action. When it comes to your coworkers, ask yourself, “When is the last time I did something to show them I care?”
Remember, caring about someone doesn’t mean that you can’t confront them. In fact, carefully addressing issues to help someone improve is one way to show just how much you care.
Respect is the most neglected of the four building blocks.
Familiarity is the enemy of great relationships. If we’re not careful, we begin to take people for granted. The good news is there’s a simple solution. Show respect. Do you communicate that you value your coworkers through your words and actions?
Mutual understanding takes the longest of all of the building blocks to develop.
You can make it a priority to try to understand others’ perspectives. Start by repeating back what they say to you for clarification, and take the time to understand and listen. It’s well worth the effort.
The world desperately needs more leaders—the kind who develop genuine relationships with others so they can help to bring out the best in those they influence. You can be this kind of leader.
Leon Fontaine is internationally renowned for his ability to equip people with skills for life. He is the CEO of Miracle Channel and senior pastor of Springs, a contemporary church with six campuses across Western Canada. Visit www.leonfontaine.com for more great articles as well as weekly videos and podcasts. Email your comments to [email protected].
