Parents, don’t come down too hard on your children or you’ll crush their spirits. Colossians 3:21 (MSG)
It’s easy to get wrapped up in what others think of us. The problem is that we put all our focus on behaviour and forget the more important inner beliefs of the heart. We need to be especially careful of this when it comes to children because we can say things that give kids a wrong picture of who they are and who God is.
For example, if we tell a child who is caught lying, “God knows when you lie,” we’re trying to modify the child’s behaviour because we’re concerned with the external act of lying. Although it’s important to deter lying, we can’t do it at the cost of his or her inner beliefs. We mean well, but these fear-based deterrents cause kids to move away from God. The message is, “When you’re struggling with something, you’d better hide because God is out to get you.”
They also affect a child’s sense of identity. Since God is not happy with them, they assume there must be something wrong with them. As I mentioned yesterday, how we see God and how we see ourselves are two of the most important points to accurately grasp. We never have to sacrifice one of these to teach kids how to behave. When kids do wrong, we can teach them that their choices have consequences through loving discipline.
If you’ve said things like this in the past, don’t beat yourself up about it. We’ve all made mistakes. Just go forward with a new resolve. As you grow in your understanding of who you really are in Christ and what God is really like, influence the kids in your life to grow with you.