Parents, don’t come down too hard on your children or you’ll crush their spirits. Colossians 3:21 (MSG)
One of the most important things we can teach our kids is who they are in Christ. The trouble is, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in looking only at external behaviour and ignoring those inner beliefs of the heart. And when we do, we can tend to give kids a wrong picture of who they are and who God is.
For example, let’s say that you catch your daughter lying. It is important to confront this behaviour because the habit of lying can lead to all kinds of pain and heartache. However, we have to make sure that we don’t do so at the cost of her inner beliefs.
Let’s say that you respond, “God knows when you lie.” The message is, “God sees your imperfections and He’s going to punish you for them.” Not only is this message incorrect because Jesus took our punishment at the cross, but it also makes her think that she needs to hide from God when she does wrong because God will be out to get her.
As another example, what if you respond, “You’re a liar!” This speaks negatively to her sense of identity. The truth is, she’s not a liar. She’s a born-again child of God whose behaviour needs some work. You can teach her that her choices have consequences through loving discipline without damaging her self-image.
If you’ve ever said things like this to your kids, don’t beat yourself up about it. We’ve all made mistakes. Just go forward with a new resolve. As you grow in your understanding of who you are in Christ, you can influence the kids in your life to grow with you!