We all want great work relationships that are supportive, strong, happy and fun.
We want to work with people we can trust; people we can have fun working with but who we can also count on. And we think that these picture-perfect work relationships should never experience disagreement.
The problem is, that’s not realistic.
Conflict happens. When it does, some run from the conflict. Others run from the relationship. When people make these choices, they tend to develop only superficial relationships or a series of short-term relationships that drift apart at the first sign of conflict. They dance around each other’s hot buttons and are careful not to rock the boat.
We can’t form great working relationships if we aren’t willing to broach the truth. We need to bring up the issues that stand between us.
The fact is it’s impossible to build strong relationships without healthy conflict. Healthy, strong relationships are built when people are willing to speak truth even when it’s uncomfortable. However, they need to be careful to do it the right way and with the right motives.
It’s never healthy to criticize people with the intention of bringing them down. After all, healthy confrontation isn’t about attacking people’s character; it’s about strengthening the person and the relationship. When that’s your motivation, you’ll be careful to consider how your words make the other person feel.
Healthy conflict is also not about who’s right. It’s not about trying to get the other person to agree with your point of view. Conversations like that never go anywhere because everyone has a different perspective on the situation. Instead, just communicate your perspective while showing respect for the other person’s opinion. The result will be that you’ll both gain a greater understanding of each other.
Some people think that avoiding conflict makes you a better friend/coworker, but it’s not true. Turning a blind eye to every conflict and refusing to talk about problems is destructive both to you and the person you fail to confront.
The truth makes us better. We all have blind spots: problems in our life that we don’t see. When we create relationships at work where healthy conflict is welcomed, we can count on those around us to point out what we don’t notice. And the result is we end up coaching each other to be the best we can be.
Leon Fontaine is internationally renowned for his ability to equip people with skills for life. He is the CEO of Miracle Channel and senior pastor of Springs, a contemporary church with six campuses across Western Canada. Visit www.leonfontaine.com for more great articles as well as weekly videos and podcasts. Email your comments to [email protected].
