God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything.
Ephesians 4:15 (MSG)
What does it mean to speak the truth in love?
The same truth can be shared with different intentions. Let’s pretend you’ve noticed that one of your employees has been slacking off at work lately. This employee often gets on your nerves, so you can’t wait to lay into them about their behaviour.
The trouble is, if your intention is to put that person in their place, you’re not going to speak the truth in love. Your motive is to bring them down and it’s going to come across very maliciously.
Now, let’s pretend that you’re dealing with the same issue—you need to confront an employee about their performance—but you’ve talked to the employee about what was bothering you before this new problem arose. Now, your motives are different. You don’t hold anything against them and you’re not trying to “stick it to them.”
Your intent is to strengthen them and your relationship with them. That’s speaking the truth in love.
Often we think there are only two options: 1) Speak the truth antagonistically, or 2) Don’t speak up at all. But that’s not what Jesus did. Jesus spoke the truth in love—with the right motives. And as a believer, you can too.
When something is bothering you, pray about it first. Ask God to help you to get your motives right before you approach the people involved. When you approach confrontation this way, you will be able to share how you feel while showing respect for the other person’s feelings, and through the process you will both gain a greater understanding of each other.