This full message, “Things I learned from Mothers” is available online on our youtube account.
Have you ever had a physical reaction when making a decision?
At times I’ve had such a strong sensation that I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t explain why, but I just knew that the answer was no. It’s vital to reason things out with logic and data, but if something seems right in your head and feels wrong in your gut, go with your gut every time. I’m not talking about your feelings; they’ll change 30 times in one day. Never make a decision based on feelings. I’m talking about a deep-down perception that something is wrong. When you sense that, don’t make a quick decision but proceed carefully. If it concerns a person, watch them. If it’s in regard to a decision, put it off to do more research and collect more data. It will pass if it was something other than a gut feeling but if it persists, trust it.
Sometimes this gut feeling relates to a work relationship.
Most people are uncomfortable talking out conflict with a co-worker, colleague, or superior. They procrastinate and avoid it, which only results in making it more difficult for everyone involved.
If your gut is telling you that you need to deal with an issue that’s affecting a work relationship, get to the bottom of it. Most issues that require communication fall under one of the following three categories.
Ask yourself:
1. Am I offended with someone?
Never just sit on offence and hope it goes away. Most people fail to even recognize when they’re offended. Learn the signs you exhibit when you’re hurt and insulted. Does your face flush? Do you get angry? Then, when you’re calm, talk it out.
2. Have I offended someone else?
You can tell if you’ve offended someone because they get distant around you. Don’t assume they’ll get over it. Approach them and ask questions. It’s tempting to become offended yourself as this can feel like rejection and criticism, but be open to hear what they have to say. In clearing up offense, you’ll strengthen that relationship.
3. Do I suspect that someone is compromising on their integrity?
This is a tough one. Questions about integrity are usually unwelcome. The only way to soften the blow is by having a strong relationship with them beforehand. Then they already know you have their best interests in mind.
Once you’ve decided to talk it out, consider this: Don’t circle the airport. Land.
So much miscommunication can happen between two people who are speaking plainly, let alone two who are using hints and sarcasm to try to communicate side comments and underlying meanings.
Effective communicators don’t hint, joke, or use sarcasm to get their point across. When people use sarcasm, it’s exhausting. Those around them are always trying to determine what they mean by their little comments. Most completely miss hints, so speak plainly. Land directly on the issue with and only with the person involved.
Above all, learn to trust your gut when it comes to your work relationships as well as your business decisions. It won’t steer you wrong.
Moms play such a crucial part in our lives. Most of us have been profoundly impacted by at least one mother figure in life. It may have been your own mom, an aunt, a grandmother, or what I like to call the “Mother Theresa’s” of life—women who may not have children of their own, but have impacted others with their love.
A child’s upbringing has incredible impact on their adult life, but often times it’s moms who get a raw deal. It seems common practice to blame mom for an adult child’s hang-ups, but we can’t put all the blame on her when things don’t turn out as planned. The large majority of moms love their kids with great passion and do all they can to give them what they need, yet many constantly live with a sense of guilt. When they’re not agonizing about something they’ve done wrong, they’re regretting something they’ve failed to do.
One of the greatest moms in the Bible also made her share of mistakes. King David’s wife and Solomon’s mother, Bathsheba, had an adulterous relationship with King David which resulted in pregnancy and the murder of her current husband. Yet many Bible scholars believe that the famous Proverbs 31 woman is also based on Bathsheba’s example. Despite her imperfections, she raised an incredible son and inspires us even today.
If you have had a painful relationship with an abusive or neglectful mom, I am in no way minimizing what you’ve been through. My goal for moms to realize that they don’t have to be perfect; they are incredibly valuable. I also want to encourage everyone to cherish and appreciate the amazing moms in their life.
Moms have an uncompromising love.
Moms seem to have access to a strength that is powerful. Just when she seems spent, she pushes past exhaustion and rises to action when she’s needed. She can count on this strength that comes from love; it never fails.
The sheer strength of her love causes her to persevere even when nothing she does seems to make a difference. She believes that it will all pay off in the end, and it absolutely does.
She loves sacrificially.
A sacrifice means to give up something valued for something regarded as more valuable. Most moms view their sacrifice not as something lost, but as a gift they choose to give. Its impact cannot be erased from those who receive it.
Even through difficulty, she has a power that no one can take from her.
The unconditional love she has is a God kind of love. It’s unfailing, unselfish, and unending. It “bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].” (1 Corinthians 13:7) When a mom loves her child unconditionally, it ties the two together in an unbreakable bond. No matter what, nothing messes with her love.
I’ve learned so much from moms in my life.
They’ve taught me to pray fervently and love deeply. They’ve shown me how to be transparent, real, and authentic. They modeled courage and how to laugh and count blessings even through dark times. I gained a thirst for knowledge from my mom. She also taught me to seek Jesus first and to put church at the center of my life.
Moms add so much beauty to our world. Thank you to all moms: you are precious and so valuable. The love you give shapes our families and our future. Today, find a way to show the moms in your life how much you love and appreciate them.
This full message, “Wisdom with Alcohol Part 2″ is available online on our youtube account.
This full message, “Things I learned from Mothers” is available online on our youtube account.
Great business leaders have the ability to coach their team toward success. Coaches are skill developers. They have the ability to get the best out of their team. They equip, direct, and inspire their team to win.
Motivation is great, but without skill development, motivation will die. A coach can get the team incredibly motivated to win, but if they aren’t being trained, their excitement will fade as they face failure after failure.
How do coaches develop skills?
To help someone improve their skills, you have to catch and point out what they are doing incorrectly. Unfortunately, confrontation involves stepping on egos. Feelings can get hurt and many leaders back away from confrontation for this reason. They’ve bought into the myth that to be a good leader, you should always make your team members feel great.
Having an ability to confront doesn’t mean that you need to become a Simon Cowell (former no-nonsense host of American Idol and current host on the X-Factor). You can give suggestions for improvement while honouring, giving respect, and building up. As their coach, it’s your job to catch them doing more right than wrong. That way you can sandwich the correction between comments on what they are doing well.
When you confront with excellence, people won’t ever use the word confrontation to describe your conversation with them. You can be so excellent at confronting that it just feels to them as though they’ve been coached for their own benefit. And the best thing is…they have been. As their coach, your intention is to help them, not bring them down.
There are three types of leaders that handle confrontation incorrectly. If you have these leaders on your team, coach them to approach confrontation differently. And if they refuse to be coached, my recommendation is to remove them from your team. Their attitude will destroy the culture you’re aiming to create.
A. My way or the highway leaders
When their ideas aren’t accepted, they get defensive. They’ll never develop a strong team around them because they can only tolerate “yes” people who will not think on their own. They don’t give their teams any freedom to be creative.
B. You can have it your way leaders
These are afraid of confrontation. They are more concerned with being liked than with the effectiveness of the team. Their avoidance of confrontation has taught their team that the boundaries aren’t enforced. As a result, productivity suffers.
C. I’m out of here leaders
They’re the passive aggressive leaders. At the first sign of confrontation, they either quit or they agree with you only to pout later. They’re trying to manipulate you. Be careful: they may seem harmless, but their actions communicate that they’re not on board.
Confrontation is the only way to develop skills within your team. Few people enjoy giving or receiving it, but it’s essential for your team’s success. Changing the language you use can make a huge difference—think of it as coaching and skill development. Coaching aims to benefit the individual as well as the team.
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